__ Opps! it fell.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

12:59 PM

Not Mrs Khoo anymore.....Not HuiYang's nice girlfriend anymore.....On the 25th of Feb, nothing is anything anymore....Maybe to him I m nothing special already. Heart broken, heart pain, depressed, sad, a walking zombie is all I can say now.
He said:'' Please don't call me Dear anymore. I m not your boyfriend already....'' But he used to love to hear me call him Dear.....''Dear..Dear..Dear..Dear..Dear..Dear.......................''
To console myself, I will say that he will lost much more than I do...cos I m just losing someone who don't love me anymore but he is losing someone who love him very much and will sacrifice anything just for him.
I set him free if he really wants because I love him. I want him to be happy. I don't want to force him to stay by my side to let him hate me.
" Go ba HuiYang......"

We are history....

- opps! it fell.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

2:18 PM

Recently, I have tons of work to do. I have three projects to rush, two tests to take and relationship problems. My mind can't really work already...I m just forcing myself to go on.. On 15th of Feb, Yang suggested we should break up...again. But he said he will give himself a chance until we meet up. Eventually, we didn't break up. Quite disappointed of myself this time...Love him too much, care too much and worry too much. All these cause me to be very sensitive, always pick up fights and make Yang angry. I didn't meant to fight with him, is just that I m a very hot tempered person. I know it very well...From young my temper always cause the people around me very upset. I have always wanted to change but i dunno where to start.
I always have this perception of ' it takes two hands to clap'. If Yang didn't say or do something wrong, how will I be angry? But Yang taught me a way. He said everytime i get angry, I can choose to shout or talk nicely. If I shout, we could end up quarreling and the problem is not solve. But if I talk nicely, we can solve the problem and maybe we can understand more about each other.
But who dunno how to think this way? It's me. Or maybe I m really that dumb. I hope that I can take this advice and kick my habit. I want to be a ' non-tempered' person(is there such a word?). =)

- opps! it fell.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

11:25 AM

Yesterday was Valentines' day. too bad Yang cannot book out.Nevermind, i know his pain too...but when i stepped into the sch, i saw many gals r holding flowers, presents and chocolates. My heart ached abit but nevermind, i understand he is in pain too. I wonder would he send flowers to me? i quickly rush home...On my way, i suddenly thought that he doesn't even know my address...let alone sending flowers..My heart ached again..But nevermind, i know he is coming out on wed and we can still have fun on thursday.
At about 10 plus, i called him..Very happy to hear his voice on this special day. he said:'' Happy Valentines' day" I m so glad.....We chat for awhile before a heavy storm came. At first it was so sweet...But when we talked about the gathering we planned this sat, we quarrel.
This gathering is actually for Roger as he need to go to army already. I was thinking of having a steamboat at my house and then go to the funfair. He said:" ok ok..."
But there is a problem, our best buddy Peh Sheng does not want to come. Understandable, cos he will be very bored ba...But i still hope he can come and have fun with us. Yang had tis idea, he said:" Why not maybe i go accompany peh sheng watch movie, at night at about 10 plus then come to your house? cos he will be alone...."
What an idea.......If he is going to accompany peh sheng, Roger is not coming for dinner and left only me, Shuxian, jacklynn and jessica, then what is the point of eating steamboat? Why must he thought of peh sheng's feelings first? What about me?
I know this few weeks we hadn't been getting along well. We had quarrelled many times...Because of what? i dunno....I just know that everytime i was angry, he will thinks that i shouldn't be....
I know that he is stress and tired and I don't meant to make situation worse..but he is treating me so cold..so impatient. We have been together for only five months plus..Why can't we be the sweetest lovers? I am so anxious...He is going to Taiwan on March,come back on Apirl. I m going for attachment on May for six months. I m afraid that our relationship will be gone by then... We are so unstable....I don't have any solutions towards him. He is so unpredictable...he don't want to tell me his problems and expect to give me a bomb when break up....
How??? I love him too much that i can't afford to lose him..I tried and tried and tried very hard to accomodate him but when he shows his coldness towards me, i collapsed. I really hope he will turn back to his normal ways, as like before..when he loves me so much...
God please bless my boy......

- opps! it fell.